Another way of looking at it is to consider when we have choices to make, first it is hard and that is often because we often gain something but also lose something as well.
With each of the options open to you, there are gains and losses involved. Some are large, some are small and some are unique to your situation.
It can help if you write a list of things you think you may lose with each option. These may include things like money, accommodation, time, freedom, and the baby itself but also other things that can affect us emotionally and mentally.
Do this for each option.
How important are these gains to you?
Having done this, ‘Check it out’ check what you believe about the losses you face, is it really true you will lose some of the things you have considered.
We can feel as if we want to run away from these problems but facing our fears can often help us find the way through them.
It is really important to check whether you will really lose the things you think you will lose. It is hard to know for sure. These things can be unpredictable. Circumstances change; people around you change their minds about how they feel.
Try and think positively about what could be done to improve your circumstances rather than accept the situation the way it is. This is important because if you make a decision based on the way things are now, how will you feel if your circumstance change.
Another question that you can ask yourself is:
An unplanned pregnancy can cause us to panic. We can feel we want control of our lives back as soon as possible.
This sense of urgency can mean we do not take time to consider other important aspects of ourselves, such as our instinctive feelings and personal values.
Ask yourself what your instinctive feelings are about each option. It might help if you can think what you felt about each of these options before you found yourself facing an unexpected pregnancy. Try and write down these thoughts.
Now think about your own personal values?
This is to do with what you believe is right and wrong – your personal values, for instance: You may feel it is not acceptable to steal whereas driving safely is a highly valued principle.
Draw a circle to represent your circle of values.
Put a dot in the middle to represent you. Think about abortion, adoption and parenting separately, where are they in relation to your circle of feelings: inside, outside, somewhere else
Put a cross on the diagram where you feel they go.
If we do something we consider that is outside our circle of values, it can cause us various feelings, what do you think some of your feelings may be if you have crossed your own boundary lines?
What are my deeper feelings?
We can allow our instinctive feelings and the awareness of our personal values to surface or we can suppress them. We need to allow ourselves the space to consider ourselves as a whole person.
In other words you need to be totally honest with yourself how you feel about each option before making a final decision.
By now hopefully you will have a much greater understanding of how you feel about each option, you will have explored this from three angles, your circumstance, your mind, and the inner you.
Whether you feel it or not you do have choices about what to do. It is important you don’t rush your decision, especially as at this time your hormones will be affecting you both physically and psychologically. Take time to discuss your feelings both you and your partner have about the options.
If you need further help, then please phone us at The Acorn Centre where we have trained counsellors who are available to meet with you and talk through any thoughts etc that are there.
