 Download our leaflet on baby loss here...
Quote from client,
“Our counsellor helped us to explore and understand our feelings about our recent miscarriage and perhaps more importantly, it was okay to have these feelings.”
The following pages are for people who have experienced either a miscarriage. or a later pregnancy loss. The Acorn Centre is not a medical agency so we are unable to provide medical answers. You will find as you go through these pages links to other web pages which can answer your questions. These pages look at the emotional pain caused by either a miscarriage or a still birth.
To have your hopes and dreams regarding your pregnancy dashed can cause many emotions.
To experience a baby loss through a miscarriage or further on in a pregnancy can be a frightening experience to go through. There can be many different emotions you may experience throughout.
You might feel you had little control over what was happening.
Unsure what was going to happen next?
You may have felt very alone.
You may find it hard to talk about what has happened.
When you have experienced a baby loss, you may feel an overwhelming amount of emotions you are trying to make sense of. The Grief Process Diagram may help you. This is further down the page
These feelings can take many forms.
It could be that you feel lost – confused – not able to cope.
You may feel upset and depressed.
You may be wondering whether it is normal for you to feel like this.
The important thing is to be patient with your self, give yourself time – to recover from the physical affects and emotional affects.
Give yourself time to understand what has happened and how that has affected you. You are unique, how you react and feel will not be the same as other people.
Try and be guided by yourself.
Sometimes feelings can take a while to emerge, this is okay, and it does not mean there is something wrong,
You may be asking yourself, would it help if I spoke to someone and if so who?
At the Acorn Centre we can provide space to enable you to think about how you are feeling.
Space to enable you to talk about your baby loss and what this can mean to you and your family
Space to make sense of the emotions you may be feeling.
The counselling / listening we provide are confidential.
In the past we have offered our services free of charge, however we have had to now alter this although we have tried to make our services still accessible, the donation scheme works in the following ways:
If you are employed we ask that you give the hourly rate you earn, so if you earn £6.50 an hour this would be your donation, if you are un-employed we ask you donate between £3.00 -£5.00 per session. However please do not let this stop you from contacting us as we are able to sometimes access funding which allows us to offer within defined remits free counselling.
We try to arrange appointments to suit you, if you would like more information or would like to talk to someone on the phone, then call us on…024 76381878
The following information is taken from ‘The Miscarriage Association’ web pages, again further down you will find a direct link to this really good web site
Partners
Your partner is likely to feel upset because of the distress and trauma you have gone through, as well as for the loss of your baby. His grieving pattern may be different from yours and he may find it hard to show his feelings. He has not experienced the same physical and emotional changes caused by the hormones of pregnancy and so may not relate to the lost baby in the same way. He may not have seen a scan or felt the baby kick. Your partner could feel guilty and see your trauma as his fault because he made you pregnant. Both of you may be grieving over the loss of the future happiness your baby was going to bring and just at a time when you need each other most, it may prove difficult to offer each other the support you need. Your partner may wonder why you are not recovering quickly. He may struggle to understand why life is not “back to normal” and why you are taking a long time to come to terms with your loss. Men can often feel powerless to help; they may feel isolated with no-one to talk to. Your partner may concentrate on “being strong” for you, not showing how badly he hurts and so may appear not to care. He may seem to switch off and become preoccupied with day–to–day activities, such as work. Do try and be honest with one another and share your feelings, so that each may be able to reach a greater understanding of what the other is going through. It may be that your partner is unsympathetic to your loss, or that you don’t have a partner. Perhaps your relationship has broken down as a result either of your pregnancy or of the miscarriage and you are facing the loss of both your baby and your partner. These situations can leave you feeling unsupported and alone and it may help you to find someone else with whom you can talk.
Children
Children can be very perceptive and whenever possible need to be included as part of the family unit. Depending on their age, basic explanations can be given. Remember that children too may be sad about the loss of their new baby brother or sister; they could be confused and wonder what is wrong if you are very upset. They may also feel guilty, perhaps thinking that something they did or thought caused the miscarriage.
Grandparents and other relatives
Potential grandparents could also be grieving over the loss of their grandchild, whilst at the same time feeling concern for you. Attempts to comfort you may result in their saying all the wrong things, albeit with good intentions. They may have difficulty understanding your feelings.
Some people avoid the subject of my miscarriage, or seem to pretend it hasn’t happened. Why?
It is very hurtful when people avoid talking about something that is so important to you, but most people find another person’s loss and grief very difficult to cope with. They may be afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting your feelings. They may be anxious not to remind you about it when, of course, it is actually at the front of your mind. You may need to help relatives cope with the situation by talking openly to them about what has happened and how you feel. Sadly, some people will not understand the importance of your loss.
At the Acorn Centre we can provide space to enable you to think about how you are feeling, space to enable you to talk about your baby loss and what this can mean to you and your family. Space to make sense of the emotions you may be feeling. The counselling we provide is confidential. All counselling is offered free of charge but you make a donation if you would like. In order for us to keep offering our service without directly introducing fees we are introducing a new system please look at our donation pages for a full explanation.
http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
This link will take you to the web site of the miscarriage association; they have excellent resources on all aspects of miscarriage and medical aspects. |
