| Many women immediately say “I could never do that” when they think of adoption. But for some parents, adoption can be a very positive choice. It can be their chosen means of providing the best for their baby.
Perhaps you wonder what’s involved with adoption. Maybe you have questions in your mind similar to those below?
What happens if I’m not sure about adoption?
You don’t have to decide during your pregnancy. This is a time for looking at adoption as a possible option, and finding out what’s involved. You don’t need to decide finally until your baby is six weeks old. You will have time to consider whether this choice is right for you and your baby.
What kind of life would my child have?
Studies have shown that the vast majority of adoptions work out happily, and that adopted children do well in life. Prospective parents are selected very carefully. Sometimes there are problems, as in ‘ordinary’ families, but these may not be due to adoption.
Would I always think about my child?
You would always remember your child, but these thoughts needn’t continue to be painful ones. It would be natural for you to feel some grief and loss initially, but you would be more likely to feel consoled by the fact that you gave your child a positive start in life by providing a family and a future.
Adoption mean I don’t care about my child, doesn’t it?
Adoption means you do care. You would not be rejecting your child as unwanted, but putting him or her first by ensuring they receive what you feel unable to give at this present time. It is a responsible and caring choice.
So what’s involved?
Adoption is a legal process which provides a child with new parents. It is arranged by the Social Services Dept. or a voluntary adoption agency. If you are considering adoption, you can arrange to see a social worker who will spend time with you discussing the procedure and answering your questions. You can do this during your pregnancy.
If you decide to pursue adoption, the social worker will ask questions about you and the baby’s father. This is so that your child can know as much as possible about his or her origins. You will be asked what sort of parents you would like for your child and later be told about the prospective adopters, possible even meet them if you wish.
What happens when the baby is born?
You may be able to choose what arrangements you would like in hospital, such as whether to care for and feed your baby for a short while.
When you leave hospital, the usual arrangement is for your baby to be looked after by a foster mother. This would normally be for a period of six weeks. You can visit your baby during this time so that you can be sure about your decision. In exceptional cases, your baby might go straight to prospective adopters.
What happens then?
If you have decided to go ahead with the adoption, the agency will place your baby with the prospective adopters who then apply to the court for an adoption order. The court is able to make an adoption order when the baby has lived with the adopters for at least three months.
You do not have to attend court. The court will send a social worker, called a ‘reporting officer’, to make sure you agree with the adoption and ask you to sign a formal document.
What if I change my mind?
If you change your mind before the time your baby is placed with adopters, you can normally have your baby live with you immediately. If you change your mind during the three month period after
placement, the court would ask more questions about your reasons and the judge would decide the matter. Once granted, an adoption order cannot be reversed.
What about the future?
Your child will most likely be brought up knowing he or she is adopted. You may be able to receive news and photos from time to time, if the adopters agree. The child will have a ‘life book’ telling him or her about you. When the child is 18, he or she can see the birth certificate and trace you if they wish.
If you want to know more about adoption, the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) publish a leaflet called ‘Pregnant and Thinking about Adoption?’ Counsellors at your local pregnancy counselling centre can talk about this option with you and provide support throughout your pregnancy, the birth, and for as long afterwards as you need. On Warwickshire’s web site you can find out more how locally adoption works, www.warwickshire.gov.uk/community or contact them by e-mail with your questions on fosteringadoptiondevelopmentteam@warwickshire.gov.uk
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